


How to Become a Certified Monster Lover

by night_of_the_living_trashcan (orphan_account)



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alien Logan, Alternate Universe - Cryptids, Alternate Universe - Human, Eldritch Horror Remus, Fluff, Getting Together, Interspecies Relationship(s), M/M, Multi, Naga Deceit, Other, Zey/Zem Pronouns, it/its pronouns, they/them pronouns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-08-16 02:50:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20170768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/night_of_the_living_trashcan
Summary: Back on my bs apparently. Just a story of a boy as he accidentally acquires three nonbinary cryptid partners.





	How to Become a Certified Monster Lover

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SpoopyJim](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpoopyJim/gifts).

> The spirit of Remus has possessed me and I can’t stop YEET.

No, Thomas didn't know how he ended up in this situation either. One minute he was calmly sailing just barely off the Floridian coast, the next he was frantically firing flares at the ship next to him that had a screaming mass of green tentacles trapped in a fishing net.

The fisherpeople had begun cheering at the catch, prodding it with sticks and sharp tools. When it started screeching, Thomas decided, “That is unnecessarily cruel, and I have no clue what that is, but screw it, I'm gonna save it.” Hence the flares.

The fisherpeople dropped the creature in shock, and Thomas saw it free itself from the net and swim away. He breathed a sigh of relief then turned back to feign ignorance to the pretty pissed off fishers. “I don't know what happened, I swear! Maybe the rocking of the boat caused it to go off? No, I can't think of why it'd be loaded in the middle of the day. I'm really sorry everybody, those darn technical difficulties, am I right?”

Eventually they sailed back to shore without Thomas suffering any real consequences. The young man flopped down on the deck tiredly. “At least  _ that's _ over,” he muttered.

“Yeah, thank Cthuluh for that,” a watery, nasal voice agreed cheerfully.

Thomas squealed in surprise then had to force himself to not actually scream at the sight in front of him. It was the mass of tentacles, just a writhing mess of them, covered in eyes and with a shark-toothed grin. It was kind of standing on a trio of longer, bony-er looking tentacles, and it was covered in black seaweed like clothes.

“Uh, hello?” Thomas choked out. He would be lying if he said he wasn't at least a little afraid of the creature, but it didn't seem aggressive and hopefully the whole “saved your life” thing helped his chances of survival.

It cheerily waved a tentacle. “Hiya! Thanks for saving my ass back there. My name's Remus. Who do I owe my life to?” If Thomas didn't know any better, he'd say it was  _ flirting  _ with him.

With a faint blush, he replied, “I'm Thomas. You're okay, right? I saw them poking you with sharp looking sticks…”

He almost thought it swooned. “Yeah, I heal pretty fast,” it shrugged, but it still seemed to preen. “Wow, they're cute  _ and  _ caring! I'm the luckiest Lovecraftian I know!”

Thomas was definitely blushing now. “Uh, it's ‘he’ actually,” he muttered bashfully. “Wait, did you say Lovecraftian? Those stories are true?”

It shrugged. “It's kind of a collective term? And if you're a ‘he’ than I'm an 'it'! Also I love you; please let me stay with you.”

And Thomas, disaster gay that he was, just said, “Okay.”

***

Dee was also kind of an accident.

Due to wanting to avoid discovery by the government and the fisherpeople, Thomas and his new partner Remus ended up moving to the middle of the Florida swamps. It was secluded (save Joan and Talyn’s occasional visits; they were both super supportive of the couple after the initial shock wore off) and far enough from other people that Remus could scream in the middle of the night as much as he wanted to.

But while there weren't any people, there were neighbors. Well, more accurately there was one neighbor, but semantics. The point was this: Remus liked screaming at the moon “to assert dominance” (he was bioluminescent and saw the glow of the moon as threatening until he just started screaming for funsies), and another inhuman entity, upon recognizing that Remus was too inhuman, came knocking one morning to complain about the noise.

“Oh shit,” they muttered when the very much human Thomas answered.

Thomas blinked. “Is this about Remus's screaming?” was all he could say. If Remus was both frighteningly gorgeous and horrifying, this creature was deadly beautiful and predatory.

From the waist up, they appeared to be a shirtless, human male, though their flesh was dotted with golden scales, their hands were clawed, their eyes serpentine, and their mouth fanged. They also had a hood like a cobra instead of hair or ears and a nose reminiscent of Voldemort. Below the waist, they were a golden serpent with a pale yellow underbelly.

At its name, Remus appeared at the door as well. It grinned at the visitor. “Hiya snakey!” it cooed, unabashedly looking them up and down with all its several eyes.

They raised an unimpressed brow bone at it. With a glance at Thomas, they seemed to determine the situation safe enough to stick around. “Are you the one making all that noise at night?” they asked coolly. “Because it's definitely not a pain in the ass when I can't ever sleep.”

Remus actually seemed to deflate at the sarcastic words. “Oh, sorry,” it muttered sheepishly. “I didn't know anyone else lived around here.”

The naga assessed it with an unreadable expression. “It's fine; just please leave it for full moons only,” they stated with less ice than before.

Remus brightened again. “Okie dokie!”

Without waiting for anything else to be said, they turned around and slithered back into the swamp. The couple thought that would be the last they'd see of the naga, but a few weeks later they were proven wrong.

A scream echoed beneath the full moon, but it wasn't Remus's. It paused its own screeching as it registered the sound before rushing to get Thomas. “The snakey is in trouble!” it shouted, grabbing Thomas and racing toward the sound.

This time, some gator hunters were the culprits of distress. The couple burst into the clearing, quickly assessing the most immediate dangers. Remus went to scare the hunters off while Thomas rushed to the naga’s side. They were tangled in a heavy, wire net that dug into their scales as they thrashed around, trying to get free. Upon seeing Thomas, they calmed enough to let him remove the net. Once they were freed, they quickly began assisting Remus in its attacks on the hunters. Thomas looked away.

Once everything was over, the couple took the naga – who introduced themself as Dee – back home where their wounds were treated and bandaged. By the time they finished healing, the couple was a trio.

***

As it turned out, Area 51 really  _ couldn't  _ stop everyone during the raid, especially upon seeing how many cryptids joined the invasion. Thomas was positive he saw both Mothman and Bigfoot. He guessed a lot of family members were trapped there or something.

That was where he and his partners found their fourth lover, though zey respectfully explained that zey didn't really feel sexual attraction to any of them. Zeir name was Logan, and zey were ethereal. Which made sense, since zey were an alien, but again, semantics.

Zeir skin, though solid, flowed a rainbow of colors that all sparkled like the night sky, and zey had four spindly arms ending in pianist hands and three black hole eyes just radiating intelligence.

As Thomas sat at home in the middle of a Florida swamp with an Eldritch horror on his left, an alien on his right, and a naga curled up over all three of them, he realized just how lucky and absolutely in love he was. It felt good, being a certified monster lover.

**Author's Note:**

> Listen, I’m soft and gay and unless it’s super fucking angsty everything I write will be soft and gay too. You can’t stop me.


End file.
